Category: Rants


September 10th, 2008
Will our children believe us when we tell them that M&M's were once unavailable in red? Dark brown, light brown, yellow, orange, green... There was always something missing. Spoiled damned kids and their red and blue M&M's. more »


August 25th, 2008
Oakland has been suffering from a high-profile crime wave recently. Instead of the usual, mundane "man shot and killed in the Fruitvale" incidents, they now have bands of armed thugs hitting restaurants and businesses, sometimes right before closing,… more »

In the Hands of Babes and Sucklings

August 12th, 2008
Newsflash: Teenagers are generally stupid and dangerous.I know that I did some pretty stupid and dangerous crap when I was a kid.Either I was lucky or not stupid and dangerous enough, so I managed to make it past my 25th birthday without wrapping my car like a pretzel* around a telephone pole.Listening to the stories my dad tells of his youth, he was just damned lucky.Now we must endure the local coverage, the tributes to two saints who died: A. On the cusp of embarking on their new life after graduating high school. B. On the cusp of entering their final year of high school to then jump off from that upcoming cusp into a promising new life.Such a tragic accident.Balls. more »

Michael Jackson Is My Role Model

August 9th, 2008
I am bad. Like, really BAD. Well, at the very least, I'm not a good person. I have it on good authority from the gentleman who approached me in the parking lot of the closest Home Depot with a sob story of not doing drugs, four days in the park… more »

We're Human... Really We Are

August 1st, 2008
What the hell is it with those goddamned stick-figure family stickers on the back of SUVs? Do I give a shit how many identical little consumerist spawn you've managed to squirt into existence, all growing up with the expectation that they deserve to… more »