I had a column already written for today, but that one has been postponed. No, right now I need to strike while the iron is hot on this particular issue that has incited my ire.
On Monday, I read this article: "Quaker Oats Reels in Ad That Poked Fun at Salmon." Here, let me quote a bit of it for you:
JUNEAU, Alaska (Reuters) - The television commercial poked fun a child's
dinner-time whine, but Alaskans actually were the ones who complained.
Now the Quaker Oats Co., at the request of Alaska Gov. Tony Knowles, has
pulled a humorous television advertisement that mentions Alaska salmon,
state officials said on Friday.
The commercial for the company's Pasta Roni products features a young
girl who declares that she does not like Alaska's food or Alaska's
salmon.
...
The commercial was brought to officials' attention by an angry
television viewer who telephoned the governor's office, said Lt. Gov.
Fran Ulmer.
"We immediately realized it was necessary to call Quaker Oats and get
it off the air," Ulmer said.
"Although they were intending to make it something amusing, to Alaskans
it was no laughing matter. We take our salmon very seriously," she said.
"We know that we have spent millions of dollars building up the Alaska
salmon brand."
Quaker Oats late on Thursday agreed to stop airing the advertisement,
she said.
Way to go, Quaker Oats. Not that I'm defending the commercial as art or anything, but to drop an advertisement because some Alaskans can't tolerate anyone bad- mouthing their salmon? Sure, I mean, I'm certainly going to do exactly what some whiny little girl in a Pasta Roni ad does. She hates Alaskan salmon? So do I! I'm just happy she didn't come out against toilet paper.
This is just nuts. According to a web page that looks legitimate, Alaska has a populationof 622,000. Now, I have nothing against Alaska; and while it's true that I'm not a big fan of salmon, I have never said, "Salmon is ok, but by god if anyone tries to serve me Alaskan salmon I'll kick their teeth in." And people do seem to enjoy visiting Alaska. But it's pretty damn clear that the vast majority of people do not want to live there. And, I imagine, don't feel threatened by any attacks on the glorious, shining reputation of Alaskan salmon.
Maybe Alaskans eat a disproportionate amount of Pasta Roni. Maybe they eat nothing but Pasta Roni. Ok, Rice-a-Roni, too, but only at Thanksgiving. So, sure, if Alaskans eat more Roni products than the rest of the country combined, I can understand why Quaker would bend over backwards to accommodate them. You just wouldn't want the Alaskan militia blowing up the SS Pasta Roni as it pulls into Anchorage harbor.
And someone got angry over this commercial. Let me just say to that person: HA HA! LOSER! It's not as if the whiny little girl said "Hey, Joe Burke of Fairbanks! You're a dumbass! I poop on your name!" I can understand getting upset about that. But this is a little girl, acting, in a commercial, boldly declaring that she doesn't like Alaskan food, including their precious, millions-of-dollars salmon. And what the hell is "Alaskan food"? The Alaskan Caterers Union didn't get up in arms about that? Hey, Alaskans! This little girl, acting, in a commercial, also hates your canapés! And your crappy Alaskan breakfast cereals! What do you say to that?
And what if all 622,000 Alaskans boycott Pasta Roni? I'd bet that many people eat the stuff in just one of the major cities in the continental (i.e., real) United States. What the hell else are Alaskans going to eat? Moose? Blubber? Let's be honest: we here in the "lower 48" don't really give a rat's ass about what Alaskans think. There are less than a million of them, and they're crazy enough to live in the Arctic. As if they deserve to be taken seriously. They obviously don't have a sense of humor. Sure, they've spent "millions of dollars building up the Alaskan salmon brand," but it's not like commercials are free, either.
I just would have liked to see something more effective than retaliatory whining work. But then again, what the hell else would the Alaskans do? Send their elite moose brigade to stomp on the CEO of Quaker Oats? To even get to Quaker Oats headquarters they'd have to go through Canada. I'm sure the Canadian Mounties would object to that. Then again, maybe they wouldn't object to helping the Alaskans attack us. They hate us, those Canadians. The Mounties would probably give the moose brigade an escort. Bastards. Canada can bite me, too.