Now, I have to admit that I’m pretty good about using my turn signals. Compared to most drivers, I’m damn well excellent about it. Sure, sometimes maybe it’s a last minute thing right before I whip into a lane, but at least I use them, and that’s the important thing. Or at least that’s my point right now.
But many, many drivers just don’t use ‘em. They just careen around the road, hopping from lane to lane, spastically jerking their car in front of you and then, inevitably, slamming on their brakes. Why the hell don’t they signal their intentions? Because turn signals don’t benefit them directly, and are there for the convenience of other drivers? Because they’re paranoid, and don’t want Them to know what they’re doing (or, I suppose, Us)? Is it because they and enjoy watching you perform automotive acrobatics in order to avoid them? Or is it because they know that the road is full of utter cockmongers who see a turn signal as a sign of weakness, and immediately accelerate to prevent them from turning, changing lanes, or whatever it is they were signaling that they were doing?
I’m guessing it’s a combination of those, with heavy emphasis on the “utter cockmongers” explanation. Because there are a large amount of territorial bastards out there, who think that it’s their lane, or even their road, and they’ll be damned if you’re doing to disrespect them by getting in front of them. “Get behind me, where you belong!” they shout, usually into the leather dashboard of their BMW. “I’m a sub-assistant-under-VP of Marketing, and I’m in a piece of German engineering!” So they drive like they think a German would drive: By annexing lanes and emitting a lot of spittle.
These are the people who make me want to mount weapons on my car. Note that I said “my car;” I don’t want other people driving armed vehicles. Lord knows I don’t trust you lot of nutballs. Oh yes, they’d cut me off, or prevent me from changing lanes, or speed up when I try to pass them, and then, oh, hey, is that a pop-up .50 caliber machinegun on my hood? Why, yes it is! I can just imagine the .50 cal rounds punching through the soft metal of their cars’ bodies, tearing through upholstery and ruining their precious heated/massage seats; ripping through their bodies, their mouths forming a small, silent “o” of shock, bullets striking the engine block and ricocheting back into the vehicle, sending shards of aluminum and steel flying. And I’d laugh, because they’d never cut me off again, and their twisting, burned-out cars would serve as a potent message to others.
Uh, I’m a pretty decent driver. Honestly. I use my turn signals, usually stick to driving 5 mph over the speed limit, and try not to violate anyone’s right of way (which, I remember from Driver’s Ed, means that I don’t force anyone to slow, stop, or move over). It’s just that after years of commuting in a major metropolitan area, you can’t help but start thinking about culling the less considerate members of the herd.
You know, insouciant is a word that’s just too French for its own good. It sounds like some sort of cooking technique, probably involving a sauce and blanching something. While wearing a large hat and sporting a large, comical moustache. Not a small, comical moustache, because that would be Belgian. Then you’d have to involve chocolate or truffles in the recipe, and I don’t think you can blanch chocolate.