What pisses me off is that people buy that garbage. Idiot microcephalic parents buy that crap to shut their kids up in the store and then wonder why their kids are screaming psychopaths who carve their names into the walls and headbutt the tv. Like, for example, every child I've ever seen in Wal-Mart.
Now, I have nothing against selling to peoples' stupidities; what gets me, I mean really annoys me, is that I'm just not enough of an evil, sadistic, business-degree-where-my-conscience-used-to-be, BMW-driving, soulless mass of gelled hair and bleached teeth to come up with these ideas first. Cocoa crispers! It's so obvious! But no, I'm stuck with mortgage payments while some VP at Heinz is receiving his new bonus of a daily massage and blowjob from the ex-Miss Kentucky.
Meanwhile, another million kids will end up with diabetes and a daily dose of Ritalin. Because Jimmy just can't sit still in class (after his breakfast of honey-frosted sugar and Pez Juice, part of this nutritious breakfast).
And if my daughter is over at a friend's house, and their parents serve that shit, I'll go to jail for beating that person with a bat. I just don't think that's fair.
And now, at the Central Florida Fair in Tampa, “visitors lined up every day for one stand's treat: deep-fried chocolate bars.”
What?
A bar [either a Snickers or a Milky Way] is
placed on a stick and dipped and rolled in
sweet batter. James then lightly twists the
bar, letting the batter ooze off to leave just
a thin glaze. For the finale, he dusts the bar
with powdered sugar. The softened bar firms up
again, and the deep-fried candy bar is dished
out on a paper napkin to a smiling customer.
Who then, in a just universe, would keel over dead. Honestly, deep-fried chocolate bars? Dammit, people, what the hell is going through your heads? Can we at least have legislation that prevents anyone else, either through HMO fees or taxes, to have to pay for the future health care of anyone stupid enough to eat deep-fried candy bars? Because I, for one, don’t want to have to pay for to replace their entire circulatory system when their blood finally congeals.
But I really love this bit of info: “James said he heard that the idea originated in Spain, where high-school students concocted the candy for a science fair experiment.” I’m guessing the experiment was to prove that Americans will damn well eat anything that you can fit into a deep-fat fryer. Looks like an A+ for you, Spanish science lads!