The next bit of silliness is a popup ad that I started seeing recently. It features someone looking quite serious, next to the question "Is there PORN on your computer?" And then a line like "You might be surprised." As if porn could just appear magically; all you've been doing is searching eBay for Precious Moments figurines, and your dastardly browser has been surreptitiously downloading hardcore smut in the background.
Now, yes, I understand that the implication is that someone, namely your husband or teenage boy, has been naughty. I actually clicked on the ad, because it was just too damn funny. And right on the page, there's a picture of a 40-something guy, and his "quote": "I was surprised. -Father, Ireland." Maybe it's just me, but I think that Irish fathers should be enormously pleased that their children are safe at home, downloading porn, rather than, say, building pipe bombs.
So what does the thing do? Damned if I know. I wants to search your computer, and there's no way I'm letting some program on some website, especially a fiendishly puritanical one, finger my files. But if it's a search program, what does it search for? Things like "heavygoatspanking.gif", or "SnowWhiteAndTheSweatyDwarves.doc"? You'd think that even a slightly clever porn-hoarder would have taken care of that already.
("Son, what's this directory 'HotWetCheerleaders' for?"
"Uh, it's a game, dad."
"Ok, then.")
Heck, maybe you even have to pay for the service. I hope so, because it's a great way to separate money from stupid people. Sure, it's just one more thing that I wish I'd done first, but I don't think I'd be able to get past picking suitably serious pictures of respectable-looking people before I fell into hysterical laughter, and that sort of thing just can't go over well with potential investors.
At first, I thought that there just couldn't be too many people who would buy into that fear and have this program paw through their files. But then, look how many people open virus-laden email attachments, even when it's obvious that the attachments are a virus, even when IT is yelling at everyone to not open the email, even when they've done it before and been yelled at before. So, yeah, I guess there is a market.
And maybe it's not completely useless; maybe some nervous parent will either be relieved, or maybe they'll finally know why little Johnny goes through four bottles of lotion, three bags of miniature marshmallows, and twelve rolls of double-sided tape every week.