In the version of the column that I was writing in my head earlier this morning, I managed to avoid punctuation entirely, but that's just not working out right now. Pesky, that is. But it's got to get written, especially after Jasona's serious flag-related rant of yesterday, although I've found that lately the vast majority of people who act like assholes on the road have at least one flag stuck on or sticking out of their car, as if their proclaimed patriotism gives them the right to avoid merging until they find the best possible spot, even if that means driving on the shoulder until they find it, because, hey, they're patriots, and undoubtedly have somewhere important to go, and even if they don't, they're certainly more American than those of us whose cars aren't decorated with plastic flags, so it's really their duty to harass us. Although if their car is covered with flags and they're smoking, then you might as well just pull off the road until they're long gone and save yourself a great deal of aggravation, because smokers are complete bastards. Oh, I long for the day when smoking is banned completely, largely because I'm sick of self-righteous bastards screaming that it's their right to smoke (as opposed to self-righteous bastards who want to ban smoking; my mirror shows me exactly what I want to see). Even if the smoker's car window is just open a bit, the smoke inevitably blows back into my car. But it's the ones who drive with their cigarette-holding arm dangling out their windows that really annoy me. Are they trying to keep the smoke out of their own cars? Yes, I should hate them less, because they at least advertise the fact that they're smoking, giving me time to stab the Close Vent button, but it just seems that they want to share their smoke with the world. And then they inevitably hang out directly in front of the front doors of offices, spewing their foetid death fog directly in everyone's path. If we have to provide them with a place to smoke (and not provide them instead with, say, sharp jabs to the groin…sharp, electrified jabs…sharp, electrified, serrated jabs…sharp, electrified, serrated, acidic…ok, enough)…uh, right places to smoke, let's make them airtight and built out of surplus asbestos. For the smokers' benefit, of course; we don't want them to catch on fire, do we? (Well, yes…)