Clamato: Let's start with an easy one. I have no idea why this stuff exists. My guess is that through some Byzantine dealings, someone ended up with one warehouse full of clam juice and a second warehouse full of tomato juice.
Oh, sure, it could have been a Home Simpson-like moment, with some guy saying, "Boy, I sure do like clams. And I sure do like tomatoes…", but I doubt it. Because if someone was willing to combine clams and tomatoes, why would their insanity stop there? Or even begin there? By the time they got to clams, that blender would already contain tomatoes, beer nuts, cinnamon, pepperoni, caramel, and Budweiser.
Obvious personalized license plates: By this I mean that ones that point out what kind of car to which the plate is affixed. Just the other day I saw C230 MB on a Mercedes-Benz C230. What the hell is the point of that? When the make and model information is right above the plate? Is the person really so insecure that they need to point out in every possible way that they drive a Mercedes? Do they have a matching shirt, or entire C230 MB outfit? Or did they, god help them, think that it was clever? Why pay the initial $41, and then another $25 a year, just to repeat information that's already all over the car?
And that's not the only time I've seen that, just the most recent. Every time, though, I have the urge to slap the driver for being a moron. On the other hand, I will admit that this makes for a good Idiot Tax. $25 a year isn't nearly enough, though. Got a clever license plate idea? Sure, $25/year is fine. But if you're just pointing out that the plate is, in fact, on the car that the car says it is, let's bump that fee up to $250 a year, at least. And increase their insurance rates at the same time.
Obscure bumper stickers: Ok, just one. And it read thusly:
Is Jesus starring in his own action movie? "Jesus Christ leads the Disciple Squad in one final assault on the stronghold of General D. Ablo…starring Vin Diesel as Jesus…"
Oh, sure, it's just some particularly wacky bit of religious sentiment, probably supposed be vaguely threatening. But, dammit, it sounds like an action movie to me, and I really doubt that was the intention of the person who made the thing.
Useless keyboard keys: Specifically, the Scroll Lock key. I was reading this article and came across this:
I have been using PC's for 15 years. I have never used the
Scroll Lock key. Not once. Think about that. Fifteen years is
5,475 days. Not once.
Yeah, exactly! Except add a few years for me. I think I might have used it once, back when I was using DOS, but dir /p worked much better, as it didn't require me to stab at the key, not find what I wanted, release the scrolling, and then try again. And probably again. Go ahead, press Scroll Lock. Other than turning on a keyboard light, it doesn't do a damned thing. Nothing supports it, because everything has a nice GUI with scrollbars. Oh, sure, I don't use Print Screen or Pause, either, but I can see how those keys might be useful. In theory.
Why the hell didn't Microsoft just use Scroll Lock for the "Window" key? That would keep me from hitting the damn thing during a game. Which, to be fair, I've only done once or twice, but the fact that it's there, waiting for me to slip, is what irks me. There's no way I could ever accidentally hit Scroll Lock, unless I develop a particularly entertaining muscle spasm.