Last week’s Newsweek magazine contains a charming little story about Donald Rumsfeld, way back when he remembered his youth, grabbed an associate and placed him in a headlock, while conversing with President Ford. Henry Kissinger, looking on, made a disparaging remark (“He must be a Yale man,” or something quite close). I’d like to amend that: He must have been a frat boy.

Reading that, it dawned on me the United States is currently led by a bunch of frat boys. Instead of beer and testosterone it’s oil and even more testosterone. They’re up there, waving their dicks, thumping their chests, drunk on oil money and yelling that we have to kick someone’s ass. That damned bin Laden got away, so now they’re looking at someone else’s ass. To kick, of course. Far be it from me to insinuate that they and their frat boy brethren have deeply repressed homosexual urges.

Bush, we well know, was a frat boy. I’m not sure about Cheney, but he did flunk out of Yale (after getting a number of student deferments, very handy for staying out of Vietnam), and ended up with a degree from some lesser college. Definitely sounds like frat boy behavior.

Of course, these aren’t the good frat boys; no, they’re the spoiled, upper class frat boys who cruelly oppress the good guys. And if they get into trouble, say with a bit of drunk driving, cocaine use, or knocking up 15-year-old girls?1 Why, a call to daddy fixes everything.

And now the drunken frat boys are on the warpath. Not that I’m saying they’re pointing at poor, innocent targets; far from it. It’s simply their insistence, their shrill, bloodthirsty cries that we have to attack, we just have to, that concerns me. Even now, with Iraq agreeing to allow inspectors into the country, Bush is warning us of "a barbaric regime teaming up with a terrorist network, providing weapons of mass destruction to hold the United States and our allies and our friends blackmail." Has no one informed him that the CIA just can’t, no matter how hard they look, find a link between Iraq and al Queda? Or is Bush referring to his own administration? It’s certainly barbaric, trampling our rights whenever possible. But, of course, it was Dubya’s daddy and Reagan who sold Saddam the supplies to make those weapons of mass destruction. Saddam was less evil back then. You know, just like the Taliban.

Speaking of evil, I forgot all about Dubya’s lackey, Karl (Wormtongue) Rove. The head frat boy always has a sniveling lackey, right? Yes, while President Pinhead is running around and shouting, Rove sits in the background, spreading his lies: McCain is insane! Gore thinks he invented the Internet! Clinton vandalized the White House! Gore tried to scam free Springsteen tickets! Lies, all of them. But the press always favors the cool kids, right?

Unfortunately, it looks like we’ve got an opposition party that doesn’t really feel like doing any opposing. Why, everyone just loves the big, drunk frat boys! 2

1) Ok, maybe I should have used examples of crimes committed by people other than Dubya in that example.

2) Sorry, of course Dubya doesn’t drink anymore. He just chokes on pretzels and badly bruises himself by falling off a couch. They sure must have some hard couches in the White House.