Some time ago I promised a short column on taxation, reformation thereof. And, being true to my word, I have decided to finally nail my colors to the mast and open the kimono. (First rule of Lictor’s Cants : If you have to mix your metaphors, at least make them sound naughty.)
Please note before continuing; my grasp of economic theory is as sound and complete as my grasp of cooking.
Please also note, I once set fire to soup.
Now, having said that : I can't help feeling that there are certain fundamental inequalities in the way we are taxed and I'd like to address them right now.
The big problem I have with income tax is that well, it just isn't reasonable. I mean, what is the government trying to do, encourage me to make less? After all, those things the government subsidize are encouraged, and those things they tax are discouraged. Heck, they should have a subsidy based on how much you earn. That way everyone has an incentive to earn more, and generate wealth. Or at least, be honest on your income tax form.
Now, you still need to pay for essential services, so I propose replacing it with a few far more socially responsible taxes.
First: The Sickness Tax.
Make sick people pay more tax. I mean, it makes sense doesn't it? People who are chronically ill are frankly just dragging their feet, from a societal point of view, so let's slap 'em with a tax. Now, I'm not talking about the seriously, dangerously ill people. Those people should be cared for, not charged for medical services. No, I'm talking about your basic malingerer and Lord knows there's enough of them around. People who just don't want to get fit and healthy. If you don't want to eat right and exercise and have no excuse other than you can't be bothered, well, fine, fork over the cash, couch-spud. Not only would this raise money but just think of the effect on the nation's health.
Second : The Sex Tax.
Well, ok, this is just too obvious not to go for. I mean, I have no objection to people enjoying themselves, (except for the vague and disturbing sense that *some* of you, and you know who you are, are getting far more than is healthy. Yes. I mean you. Stop that immediately.) The fact is though, that you could tax nookie as much as you want and people are *still* going to want to do it. Just ask any eighteen-year-old boy. He'd probably gnaw one of his own limbs off to get to a member of the opposite sex, let alone pay a few dollars tax.
Now, you'll notice that both of the above are elective taxes, which I think is by far the most civilized way to tax your population. It also brings me rather nicely to the final tax, :
Third : The Election tax. Now, I'm not talking about taxing people for voting. I'm talking about taxing people for *not* voting. You want to abdicate your electoral responsibility? Then you have to pay me for shouldering your democratic burden. Sure you can stay at home on Election Day, but it'll cost you. And frankly, if you decide to stay at home because you just don't feel well, or fancy playing "The Countess and the Chauffeur" with the pool boy, well, it's gonna cost you some _real_ money.
Now that's how democracy should work.