This is going to be a short Cant, but an important one. I know the Internet is a strange and wondrous land, and for many it is filled with the magical promise of terra incognita, but if you're new, let me offer a word of advice.
If you get an e-mail, suggesting that someone just needs to borrow your bank account for a few days, and in return they'll give you several million dollars, please don't take them up on the offer.
I know it sounds tempting, and frankly who wouldn't be flattered to get a message from Mr Wole Olukoya, Bank Manager of ORIENT BANK OF NIGERIA, but do you honestly think someone is going to give you $20,000,000 just to let them deposit funds in your account for a week?
Now I know that most of you are groaning and rolling your eyes and wondering why I'm bothering to say this at all, but just give me a minute. Think about it. Sure, *you* know it's a scam so transparent that a micro-cephalic rhesus monkey wouldn't fall for it, but someone *is* falling for it. I mean, this scam is a real money-spinner for the Nigerian economy. So if you're not falling for it, someone out there is. And the more they do, the more times Mr Olukoya and his buddies are going to spam us all in the hope that they find that one Internet neophyte who really believes in fairies and pots of gold at the end of the rainbow.
Every so often some poor businessman does end up bilked out of thousands of dollars or, unfortunately, lying face-down in some Nigerian gutter with a bullet hole by way of thanks for his interest.
This scam's been going on so long, you would have thought that there would be no-one left who hadn't heard about it, laughed it off, and now routinely deletes any e-mail referencing Nigerian banks. But I guess there's enough new meat hitting the 'net that it makes it worthwhile spamming the rest of us.
Unless, of course, it's the spammers that are the new meat. Here's the worrying thing. What if no one actually falls for this scam, but no one *knows* that no one falls for it? What if, in fact, every day new Nigerian con-men (and other nationalities too, I suspect) come to the web looking to find some easy marks. And sure enough, they see this great idea for catching greedy western businessmen involving bank accounts and fake money and wheeee! Off they go. The damn thing won't die, not because it works, but because the con-men assume if everyone else is doing it, it just *has* to be a sure-fire money maker.
So, for the record, ladies and gentlemen of the grifter community: We already know about it, thank you. Please stop. Or at least think of a new scam and try to catch us with that one. Something a bit more entertaining, involving polar bears. And nuns. And, uh, Turkish Delight. Yes, that sounds good.
Well, come on, I'm waiting.