I was in an auto dealership a few days ago, idling away what seemed like a couple of millennia while our car was being fixed. To pass the time, I started wandering around, examining the various 'optional accessories' they had on offer for their cars. The usual selection of running boards, spot-lamps, brush-guards, floor mats and so one were all artistically hung from black metal displays along with amusing little quotes ('step on this deal!' for the running boards, for example.) At one side, however, was one of those items that I frankly find kind of baffling. It was a rear window spoiler... for a mini-van. Now, I like mini-vans, I really do. I like their utility (which is real, as opposed to the theoretical utility of say, SUVs.) I like the way they handle when you're driving them, and I even like how they look. Yes, yes, but please make allowances, I always preferred big cargo planes to jet fighters and have a deep hankering to own a pick-up truck one day. Even so, I find it hard to come to terms with the idea of rear-window spoilers for a mini-van. Better yet was the sales pitch associated with this delightful piece of automotive excellence.
"Enhance the aerodynamic look of your mini-van."
Ah, so few words, so much said. Note that they made no claim that the spoiler in any way actually made the van more aerodynamic. No, sir. This item is just for those people who want to make it *look* more aerodynamic. Given that even the most sleek mini-vans tend to resemble house-bricks, they isn't much in the way of opportunity to enhance their aerodynamic properties, so it's easy to understand why the manufacturers were hedging there. What staggers me, is the thought that there might be someone out there who would see a two feet long strip of molded plastic and say "yes, that really does make my mini-van look rather sporty. Time to start racing those Acuras."
I'm sorry, but no, it really doesn't make your mini-van look in the slightest bit more aerodynamic. It would be like scotch-taping fins to the Lincoln memorial and hoping it looked more like a dolphin. If you want a car that looks aerodynamic, and this apparently is news to some people, don't buy a mini-van. With or without spoiler.
I suppose I shouldn't be so dismissive. It's not like people use any logic when selecting their car purchases otherwise we'd be seeing a lot more Hondas and a lot less Lincoln Navigators. I even have a spoiler on the back of my own car, although in my defense, it isn't a mini-van and it came with it as standard. I'd wager good money that it makes no difference to the handling characteristics, however, especially in Houston traffic when the only time people hit speeds in excess of 55 miles an hour is when they're driving around parking lots. Oddly enough, not only do the parking lots feel like freeways, but the freeways feel like parking lots. Perhaps I should suggest to the city council that instead of building roads, they just string parking lots together, one after another.
You know, it might just work.
Of course, the risk would be that it would just provide all the more room for those daredevil, street racing mini-van owners. Give them a strip of open asphalt and it'll be like a scene from "The Fast and The Furious."
Only much slower, and with a lot more "Baby On Board" stickers.