It's been a bumper quarter for MSW letters. Hundreds of you wrote in in regard to our article on leveraged minion financing; observant readers added several dozen new names and organizations to the Watch, and we received twice as many protestation letters as usual. Hey, that's why we call our letters column 'Sed quis custodiet ipsos custodes?' Now, on with the letters.
Never Too Young
Many, many thanks to you at MSW for your insightful article
"Mad at You, or Just MAD?" After Columbine, my husband and I became
worried that our son was headed down a self-destructive path. He spent
all day playing violent videogames, dressed in black, and never gave
us the respect we deserved as parents. To make matters worse, he
was excelling in his Chemistry and Shop classes. After reading your
article, we decided we had to investigate. Sure enough, we
discovered that he was building a killer chainsaw robot in the woodshed.
Just as you advised, we sat down with him and talked it out in a
non-confrontational way, and now he is working on some secret project
for the US Air Force, and our home is happy again. He's even taken
to dressing in collared shirts! Many, many thanks for saving our child.
Mary Hasselford
Fresno, California
All part of the service, Ma'am.
Opposing Viewpoint
I must say, MSW, I was really rather disappointed to find myself listed
in your 'Rogue Scientists' gallery last issue. The very reason I
disassociated myself from my former colleagues was my dawning realization
of their extreme and inflexible viewpoints. Dismissing me as a 'Rogue'
simply because I and my former organization had (an amicable!) parting
of the ways is being a mite unfair. And labelling me 'Mad' simply
because I worked for an organization whose business plan included
world domination is a trifle unjust, don't you think? I do. But I'll
show you. By God I will. I'll show you all.
Dr. Dominik Zargor-Thribb
Seneca, New York
We rest our case.
Exclusionary Practices
Once again, MSW, I see that you have failed to include me in your
list of Mad Scientists. And you call yourself comprehensive. When you
are all laboring in my undersea uranium mines, you'll regret this
oversight.
The Crimson Spider
Underground Lair
It still looks like a giant pillbug. I'm sorry, but we just can't take you seriously. Get back to us when you've worked up to an ant or a thrip or something.
Over There
Why is it that almost fifty percent of your Mad Scientist list is
comprised of Americans? Your regional bias is showing.
Nigel Flummox-Lingus IV
Lower Goiterford, UK
I guess American Mad Scientists don't waste as much time whining.
Flew the Coop
I've only been subscribing to MSW for a few issues, but I ran through
the checklist in "Friends, Neighbors - and MAD SCIENTISTS?" and noticed
that one of the neighbors on my street scored really high. I confronted
him about being a Mad Scientist, but he just chuckled and said that he
was 'good with computers'. The next day, his house rose up on huge
mechanical legs and wandered off. I hear it's up in Madison, now. Is there
something I should do?
Gary Carapace
Chicago, Illinois
Check out the "Danger-o-meter" in this issue, Gary. If he doesn't
score too high on it, don't worry about it. If he gets over a 90,
let us know and we'll talk to the appropriate authorities.
Something Missing
Curse you, MSW! Curse you! How dare you print such a slanderous,
misleading package of lies and deceit? When my clever, clever
plan has borne its blessed fruit and I am ruler of the whole world,
I will have you all stuffed with slugs and slowly roasted in
the sulfuric acid pits! Your temerity is beyond belief! If you don't
issue some sort of retraction immediately, I shall make it my
highest secondary goal to insure your eternal suffering! I spit
upon you!
Lady D. A. Sessquileniax
Edmonton, Canada
Um, Which set of lies and deceit was that in particular?
Quandry
I have a problem. I've been seeing this woman for a little over a
year. Her house has this big cave under it, filled with computers
and guys in grey double-breasted suits and stuff. I thought she was
a Mad Scientist, and when I finally asked her, she said that she
was, and that she was going to take over the world. Frankly, I don't
think she'd be such a great boss. But the sex is fantastic. What
should I do?
Merriweather Jones
Edmonton, Canada
Good sex? Keep her. And tell her to let us know what it was that
got her so upset.