It's been a bumper quarter for MSW letters. Hundreds of you wrote in in regard to our article on leveraged minion financing; observant readers added several dozen new names and organizations to the Watch, and we received twice as many protestation letters as usual. Hey, that's why we call our letters column 'Sed quis custodiet ipsos custodes?' Now, on with the letters.
Never Too Young
Many, many thanks to you at MSW for your insightful article "Mad at You, or Just MAD?" After Columbine, my husband and I became worried that our son was headed down a self-destructive path. He spent all day playing violent videogames, dressed in black, and never gave us the respect we deserved as parents. To make matters worse, he was excelling in his Chemistry and Shop classes. After reading your article, we decided we had to investigate. Sure enough, we discovered that he was building a killer chainsaw robot in the woodshed. Just as you advised, we sat down with him and talked it out in a non-confrontational way, and now he is working on some secret project for the US Air Force, and our home is happy again. He's even taken to dressing in collared shirts! Many, many thanks for saving our child.
All part of the service, Ma'am.
I must say, MSW, I was really rather disappointed to find myself listed in your 'Rogue Scientists' gallery last issue. The very reason I disassociated myself from my former colleagues was my dawning realization of their extreme and inflexible viewpoints. Dismissing me as a 'Rogue' simply because I and my former organization had (an amicable!) parting of the ways is being a mite unfair. And labelling me 'Mad' simply because I worked for an organization whose business plan included world domination is a trifle unjust, don't you think? I do. But I'll show you. By God I will. I'll show you all.
Dr. Dominik Zargor-Thribb
Seneca, New York
We rest our case.
Once again, MSW, I see that you have failed to include me in your list of Mad Scientists. And you call yourself comprehensive. When you are all laboring in my undersea uranium mines, you'll regret this oversight.
The Crimson Spider
It still looks like a giant pillbug. I'm sorry, but we just can't take you seriously. Get back to us when you've worked up to an ant or a thrip or something.
Why is it that almost fifty percent of your Mad Scientist list is comprised of Americans? Your regional bias is showing.
Nigel Flummox-Lingus IV
Lower Goiterford, UK
I guess American Mad Scientists don't waste as much time whining.
Flew the Coop
I've only been subscribing to MSW for a few issues, but I ran through the checklist in "Friends, Neighbors - and MAD SCIENTISTS?" and noticed that one of the neighbors on my street scored really high. I confronted him about being a Mad Scientist, but he just chuckled and said that he was 'good with computers'. The next day, his house rose up on huge mechanical legs and wandered off. I hear it's up in Madison, now. Is there something I should do?
Check out the "Danger-o-meter" in this issue, Gary. If he doesn't score too high on it, don't worry about it. If he gets over a 90, let us know and we'll talk to the appropriate authorities.
Curse you, MSW! Curse you! How dare you print such a slanderous, misleading package of lies and deceit? When my clever, clever plan has borne its blessed fruit and I am ruler of the whole world, I will have you all stuffed with slugs and slowly roasted in the sulfuric acid pits! Your temerity is beyond belief! If you don't issue some sort of retraction immediately, I shall make it my highest secondary goal to insure your eternal suffering! I spit upon you!
Lady D. A. Sessquileniax
Um, Which set of lies and deceit was that in particular?
I have a problem. I've been seeing this woman for a little over a year. Her house has this big cave under it, filled with computers and guys in grey double-breasted suits and stuff. I thought she was a Mad Scientist, and when I finally asked her, she said that she was, and that she was going to take over the world. Frankly, I don't think she'd be such a great boss. But the sex is fantastic. What should I do?
Good sex? Keep her. And tell her to let us know what it was that got her so upset.
Columns by Sun Ra