Seeking Volunteers for Science
Everyone else is writing about minions and robots, so I guess I won't be the one to break the chain. Since I don't know jack about robots, I'll settle with minions. Besides, I don't trust robots anyway -- the people programming them always want to make them smart, and smart immortal servants are always a bad idea. And happy minions, well, they can't be beat.
As a girl who once used to be somewhat cute, I have been fortunate enough to have had some experience with demi-minions in my past. I of course refer to sweet, helpful boys who are willing to perform small, brainless tasks, with the hopes of getting some booty in return. Frequently they are still willing to serve without the booty, with the undying hope that your "just friendship" status will change. Call me a tease, call me a flirt; I'm sure I led on some boys unintentionally, but I tried to be clear with most that my intentions were honorable, but you know, I was a kid, I'm sure I was occasionally an Outright Tease and even Shameless Hussy sometimes. But teasing and flirting are fun, and I don't feel too bad, having been on the other end of teasing with cute boys as well.
Where was I? Oh yes, minions. When I grow up and become fabulously wealthy for no reason whatsoever, I want my castle to be well-stocked with minions. I want an on-call masseuse, a personal trainer, various French maids, a chef, a pool boy (for the moat, only "moat-boy" doesn't sound so nice), and lots of gamekeepers/gardeners with charming lower-class turn-of-the-last-century British accents. All of them will of course be gorgeous and somewhat smart, but not nearly as smart as I am, completely happy and satisfied living their lives to serve my every need.
The castle will be fitted with lots of fancy cords with tassels to pull and have someone pretty come running to ask how they may serve you. And they'll be happy dressing in the lovely little uniforms I create for them, all designed to show their best assets to their mistress. They won't, of course, be sexual slaves, as that would be immoral, but should they want to have sex with their mistress, far be it from me to deny them any pleasure.
Really, everyone deserves some minions. No one really wants to wash up the dishes after dinner or pick up the dog poopie every other week. After a hard day of work, everyone deserves a two hour massage followed by a lovely meal. And really, wouldn't it be more enjoyable if there was no job at all, and your days were spent exploring your castle grounds, reading, playing in the moat, working out with the personal trainer, writing, and schtupping the help? The difficulty lies in finding people who would be happy doing these things so you don't have to. The solution? Minions.
The problem with minions is that they would probably be happier being slaves. Minions sound so downcast, while slaves merely sound bound by chains of a sort. Would you rather be a slave of love or a minion of love? Me, I'd rather have one of each and very scientifically test to see which was made happiest in my service. Let me know if you would like to volunteer.