Will You, Won't You; Do You, Don't You?
What I really wanted to write about for the last column was flirting, but I lost my focus thanks to Sun Ra's Jedi Mind Trick. So as I was saying, flirting with boys can be quite profitable... er, um, pleasurable. The important thing is that you both know where you're going. There is a fine distinction between Flirting and Teasing, but it's a critical one; Flirts don't hurt people, but Teases do. And I know because I've been both, so pay attention.
Flirting is when you're hanging out with someone and you smile a little more, talk about sex a little more, oh-so-casually touch each other a little more during the exchange. You smooch each other publicly and flagrantly on the cheeks when you leave, and you go home thinking that someone other than your Significant Other thinks you're cute, smart, and fun to be around. You both had a fun time, you both feel good. Flirting.
Teasing, on the other hand, is flirting with an edge. Teasing is Dangerous Flirting, Flirting With Intent. You want something. Maybe you want some booty, maybe you want validation that you're hot property, maybe you want to feel in control because that last chick you were dating just fucking ripped your heart out and now you deserve to rip out someone else's. You know, hypothetically. The difference is that Teasing is about you and what you want, not about having a fun conversation.
Me, I flirt with just about anyone who will flirt back. Anyone I'm pretty sure won't take it seriously, won't think I'm looking to break or bend some marriage vows, and won't think I'm being a Total Whore. Hey, I may be a Shameless Hussy, but let's not go overboard; I do discriminate. I'm no Tease; I know when to stop before signals get confused and people get hurt. Flirting shouldn't be an Extreme Sport; if it is, you're Teasing, and you're doing it all wrong.
I'm honest enough to admit that I've had instances of being a Tease in my past. When I didn't know the limits, wasn't sure if I was having a Fun Time or Seducing someone, changing my mind and trying to backtrack, the whole basic slew of potential miscommunications between lusty young people. Trying on new personalities, overcoming shyness, slowly gaining sexual confidence, lying to myself and to others about my needs and desires and intentions. I do still feel bad about a few young men who I hurt. Mostly because I'm now old enough to have been on the receiving end and been hurt myself. But that's how one learns.
And now that I'm Old and Awfully Wedded, flirting has lately taken on a whole new fun twist. People seem to have the idea that since now it's all legal that I'm taken, it's totally safe to flirt. And hey, I'm hardly complaining; my intention is to be a Shameless Hussy and have some fun. I get the best of all possible worlds: there's no need to worry about miscommunication since most people assume us Married Folks are monogamous; no one goes any farther than they feel comfortable going; and at the end of the party, I get to go home with someone who appreciates that I had a good time and am feeling a little frisky.
And sometimes, when I'm a very good girl, he flirts with me.