Which is probably not a good sign, come to think of it.
Anyway, so what would I do if I woke up one morning with dangly bits between my legs and a boyish body to go with it? (This is not a hermaphrodite body, in my proposal, but a male body with my very girly mind.) First, I'd test out the morning-erection/urination need status. Assuming I had a stiffy, I'd be sure to gently poke my bed companion in the bum with it, just to see his reaction.
Then, assuming I was swatted away with the typical mumbled snarl of "Sleeping! Leave me alone," I'd leap out of bed and have my very first standing-up pee. If we lived somewhere snowy, I'd consider trying to write my name, but my name is long, I assume it takes some practice to not run out too fast, and I've got better things to do with a penis than spend all day urinating. Plus, it never snows here.
Next: the stress test boys never let me do. I would bend it and pull it and twist it and just fiddle with it until it started to hurt or get bigger; both probably, because I'd like to know exactly what it's limits are.
Then I would dance around naked to feel it dangling between my legs. Then I would try to figure out where it goes when you wear jeans, and how on earth you can possibly sit down with something taking up room between your thighs without squashing it. Then I would carefully shave my stubbly face, but skip moisturizing because real men don't use poncy things like that and show their chapped faces as a badge of masculinity.
And then I would go jogging and revel in the freedom of running without breasts. I would do jumping jacks. In the shower, I would fiddle with those teensy boy nipples and give them a stress-test too.
Then of course, the sex. I'd masturbate until it was thoroughly worn out, evaluating speed, duration, distance, quantity, recovery time, and any other variables I could think up. When somewhat recovered (say, after lunch time) I'd find a willing boy and girl and do everything possible, in every combination possible. Over and over again. And then one more time, just in case.
And then I'd eat total crap for dinner, and drink beer, and maybe watch some sports to see if having testicles made it more interesting. Maybe I'd get in a brawl just to see what it's like and exercise the muscles of my strong manly boy body. Throw a few punches, then run away with my smooth, breast-free chest.
Finally, I'd come home, kill some non-threatening spiders, take out the trash, and beg my lover for a blowjob, after which I'd immediately pass out and start to snore loudly enough to offend the dog.
And in the night, the penis-fairy would come and take it all away. Thank god; having a penis seems exhausting!
1. Dick for a Day, edited by Fiona Giles I admit, the title caught my eye, as did the cover picture of a woman in high heels at a urinal… Basically, it's a collection of essays, poems, short stories, etc by well-known feminist and lesbian authors. Some are hysterical, others barely-disguised male-bashing. A good bathroom book, though.
