Columnist for Monday, 5/7 - Wanton Hussy

Why I Can't Write My Cant Column for May 7th

I can't write my column because I'm too busy. I spent all weekend working with my dad and my husband to strip, sand, stain, and varnish an old "antique" coffee table. (How old does something have to be to be considered an antique? It's at least 50 years old.) I actually really like doing things like that makes me feel capable, I guess, doing work with my hands. And it was nice to have my dad visit and have something to do with him, and nice to work together, like when I was a kid helping him in the garage. But damn, we worked our asses off, all three of us, and I'm tired and sore. We worked from 10AM Saturday to 11PM, and 11AM to 4 PM Sunday.

There's something really satisfying about having a real, tangible product to show at the end of your labor. Cooking is kind of similar, but those "products" are temporary and are gone once they're eaten. Furniture is not only difficult to eat, but probably toxic, what with the residue of the paint stripper and the varnish that got me high from the fumes. Anyway, since I didn't have any time to myself on the weekend (until now), I can't write my Cant column.

I also can't write my Cant column because I've got a lot on my mind. This weekend I had to make a decision about something, and I don't know if it's because I'm a Libra or because I act like I'm a Libra and have influenced my behavior by the self-fulfilling prophecy of wishy-washyness. I hate making decisions. I weigh all the pros and cons, and they usually feel like they balance out, and then I flip a coin and don't like the outcome, and talk to friends and the husband, and essentially have to be talked into doing the thing that I knew instinctively was the right choice from the very beginning. I suppose I could save myself some angst by just committing to a decision, but that's just not who I am. I am Libra; see me waffle.

I'm just too busy lately, and it drives me crazy. I had to decide to drop 2/3rds of my belly dance classes because I need a full 48-hour weekend to recover from my weeks. I've been having a 3-hour block every Saturday of dance class and it's stopped being fun and started stressing me out. I can't go out of town, I can't do anything in the middle of the day, and it's been 9 months since I started it. I'm hoping to start school in the fall, and I've just got too many other projects to not really need a full weekend to rest. See, I'm still trying to justify my decision! So that's why I can't write my Cant column.

I couldn't write my Cant column earlier in the week because Monday after work I have belly dance, Tuesday after work I met with an illustrator, Wednesday after work I met with a spiritual teacher, Thursday I cleaned the house and did all the chores, and Friday my dad was here when I got home from work. I had an unprecedented FOUR ideas for fantastic Cant columns, but I'm just too bloody tired to write about them. Plus, I keep having bad dreams about police and prostitution and busting-out with chase scenes, so I guess I'm a little stressed. And I know I'm not unique, and everyone has their issues and things going on, and I apologize deeply, but I just can't write my Cant column.




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