The Philosophical Zombie

Ok, so my search for a topic started as so many Monday nights end, me and google, plugging away at the great untapped reaches of the net for an idea. What the heck... I know it'll disturb Harlock, so the first thing I enter is:

I get back the usual list of suspects, but the first one that catches my eye is Zombie Killer (consciousness, functionalism, and intentionality). It's an untidy mixture of scientific abstracts and dancing javascript... I'm sorely tempted to flip away and try my luck on a new pull of the google slot-machine -- when something catches my eye:

Don't I know a Larry Hauser? Hasn't he mixed me drinks up in Michigan? Isn't he married to my aunt? Why the hell is his name on a page about zombies? Surely this can't be Larry... He wouldn't be an AOL user. Hmm...

I suffer with the annoying dancing javascript and read a little bit more. Damn, here's a link to a paper Larry's done up about the zombies... it seems it's an entire sub-genre of philosophy. Is it a joke? Is it a serious discussion? Damn, like I could tell with these guys. But like the plot to any bad horror movie, I don't listen to my common sense claxons, oh no -- I plod right into the depths of the article (1).

Good god, right in the middle of Larry's paper he starts going into the Chinese Room debate (2), and wait a sec... wasn't my dad going on in depth about the Chinese Room debate when I visited him on Christmas? Yeah... something big in the field of the evolution of consciousness... Just how big is this conspiracy? And if it isn't a conspiracy, good lord, is it genetic? Damn my eyes, there's no way I can let Harlock learn of this connection. I'll get the whole damn Abbott bloodline listed on the MSW.

Granted, I didn't have the time to wade through all the papers on the subject of the philosophical zombie, but at least I can be assured of one fact that seems to have escaped these modern day Van Helsings (3)...

Let's say you have these p-zombies wandering around your neighborhood, or even living under your roof and paying their fair share of the rent... so what's the harm?

Yes, that's right... what's the harm? Remember, these p-zombies are perfect replicants of the being you'd supposed was a fully functioning, cognizant human. Because they're such exact copies of the original, emulating the originals to an exact detail, they are bound to the same life as the original. Any deviation from the course would allow us to build a Blade Runner-esque machine to tell the difference between the pod-person and the real McCoy.

Heck, your very ally in the war against the p-zombies could be, Decker-like, a p-zombie himself. Being non-cognizant, how could it rebel against it's fate to fight it's own very nature.

Oh no, you can be quite safe in knowing that Clotho, Lachesis, and Atrophos will make sure your p-zombie tows the line (4). Sure, you might be married to a non-cognizant, but by their very definition you can never know that they aren't cognizant. Really, if you're worrying about it, well, face it... you're doomed. It's not their thread that the three fates will be chuckling over... oh no... whom the gods would destroy they first make mad.

i,jasona

1) Papers that center on the possibility of a Zombie; a being that behaves like us and may share our functional organization and even, perhaps, our neurophysiological makeup without conscious experiences or qualia

2) Which many of you computer scientists might remember from Turing's works.

3) You got a famous zombie killer? Can you remember the name of the hero who dies at the end of Dawn of the Dead? I can't. More's the pity.

4) You just have to worry about whether the original housemate was an axe murder or not... 'cause if he was you can be sure his p-zombie will as well.