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"I've been thinking about getting a car."
"A car?" "Yeah, you know... zoom around town. Don'cha think that would be neat?" "I just can't picture it." "No? Can't see me behind the wheel of my own car?" "No. no... can't do it." "Why not?" "You're a zombie." "So?" "Zombies don't drive cars." "Who says?" "Thousands of years of zombie history." "Look, cars haven't been around for thousands of years." "Yeah, and did we ever ride horses? Drive buggies? Cruise down the mighty Mississippi in a steam boat?" "A steam boat?" "Yeah." "No. Never in a steam boat. But... why not? Is there a law?" "Well, who's going to teach you?" "Maybe I'm naturally good at it. Maybe it'll all just come to me." "Yeah, and maybe with those reflexes of yours you'll just drive it into a ditch." "Why are you always dashing my dreams? You always do this to me." "You really want a car?" "Yeah. I mean, what else am I going to do with all this money?" "You got me there... you have money?" "Sure. All those people we kill? I loot 'em." "Is that what you're doing? I thought you were up to something disgusting down there with their, er, you know..." "Please. No. I rifle their wallets." "Uh huh." "I've saved up a good couple hundred dollars... how much you think a car costs?" "Dunno. That sounds about right." "So, I was thinking of getting a dump truck." "Why a dump truck?" "Well, to store all the left-over brains in. Just think of it -- a dump truck full of brains." "Yeah, that'd be sweet. Wait... have you ever seen any left over brains?" "What do you mean?" "I mean, when we chase down a couple of humans -- how many times have you seen left over brains after we've finished eating?" "hmmm..." "Remember that time when we trapped the entire theater full of people? There must have been over a hundred in there... do you remember any left over brains when we finished?" "No... that was a good week though." "Word. I'm just think'n we're not the doggie bag sort of people, you know? We're like camels... we eat a bunch of brains, and can then travel the desert for months on our reserves." "Yeah. Ok. So what about a sweet little sports car? You know, a real babe magnet?" "You're interested in getting some?" "No... no... I mean, getting some brains, sure. So if the car can get me hooked up, that's just one step faster to getting at the brains, right?" "You might be on to something there -- you get a nice enough car, they're sure to ignore the rot, and the seeping wounds." "You think?" "Yeah. Say, what sort of stereo are you going to put in it?" "Hadn't really considered it... no ears." "Oh. Yeah... right." |