I don't really like spiders.

They're creepy, and nasty, and they remind me of lobsters(1). Anything with a hard chitinous outer shell is just wacked-out in my opinion. It's the savage base-player twanging on the primal cord of fear... gives me the heebie-jeebies. I don't understand why primitive man always cast the snake in the role of the demon, why the tempting Satan wears the snake skin, or why dragons were the top of the monster stack.

Oh no.

If you ask me it's the spider that's the king daddy of the cruel visages.

"So why," you ask me, "why do you always promote the spider?"

Well, even though they're damn nasty to look at (2), they're really on the helpless/hapless scale of things. There's really not much in this world that can't take out a spider in a single squish.

"They're poisonous," you claim. So what? They're still dead once you step on them, poor things. It's not like they pray on you. They don't actively come after you and sting you out of spite. They sting you when you roll over on them, or blindly grope around in their homes, or act the juggernaut around them. Kindly stop the bullying.

"But they're just insects. Like they have feelings?"

Granted, I have a hard time scientificly picturing a nerve cluster so small I'd have to use a microscope to view it as having feelings... But, to my all to human eye, they bob and weave with all the anthropomorphic actions of something afraid, or hungry, or wary. Just because they might not have feelings, doesn't mean I'm not going to pour my empathic heart out to the poor wee beasties.

"You're a nut."

Well, fine. I'm not going to resort to calling you names... you'll just have to find a different argument. But, while you're thinking, let me tell you the real reason why I champion the spiders... Because they presses all of Harlock's buttons.

Well, I shouldn't single out Harlock; they presses most everyone's buttons. Heck, they press mine. But damn my eyes if it's just not one of my cruel sins to hammer on those buttons like a monkey with a tasp. And you can't really blame me, can you? You all twitch and squirm a wild chittering dance when the spider is brought out before you. How could I not play the spider card? Needs must when the devil drives... and folks, the devil is a large spider, and he drives a large, non-furry, chitinous Cadillac.

i,jasona

1) No, like I've said before, lobsters are not spiders. They couldn't be, they're so much more evil! EVIL!

2) Well, now, that's not the whole truth. Some spiders I think look really cool. These are the fluffy spiders. Wolf spiders, tarantulas... Somehow the "fur" makes that hard chitin less disturbing. Hell, if you dressed up a black widow in a fur coat I wouldn't hardly mind her. And somehow I don't really mind harvesters. Yes, I know, they're not really spiders, but they often take a shot directed towards spiders, so I'll at least defend them while defending furry spiders. Ok. Ok. Harvesters aren't furry. Give me a break.