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"Oh! Hello."
"Er, hi... who are you?" "Oh, we're Canadian." "The maple leaves gave it away. And those?" "Oh, these are our guns, eh." "You sort of look like an army." "Well, yes... We do... er, are. We are. We are the Canadian army." "And this is America." "Well, yes." "Shouldn't you be in Canada?" "Well, we thought we'd liberate you." "Me?" "Yes. And the rest of you." "My family?" "The states." "Liberate us from what?" "Bush. We hear he's an awful tyrant and he just has to go." "Our president?" "Yes. " "You're here to free us from President Bush?" "Precisely." "You don't like our president?" "Frankly, no. And we understand he's got weapons of mass destruction." "One or two, here and there... yes..." "And he's been throwing his weight around and making unilateral decisions. Acting like a madman, you know -- that sort of thing. We even hear there was some funny business with his election." "Well, yes, there was that, but I don't think you can just..." "Do you like living under his rule? Lost some personal freedom lately? Feel he's taking your nation in directions no sane person would?" "Well, yeah..." "So, there you have it. Cruel tyrant, kind and benevolent force (that's us) comes to liberate you." "But this is America." "Yes. But, well, can't you use a hand? I understand there's a great many of you that really don't wish to be ruled by him." "You're invading America." "Invading is such a strong word. We're affirming forces." "Affirming?" "Our marketing department said it was good. We hope CNN picks it up." "Wait a sec, wait a sec, wait a sec... don't you think that maybe some of the citizens of these states might take exception to having a massive foreign army running roughshod through the countryside trying to remove their leader by force?" "Well, the world is with us." "Really?" "Well, France mostly. Plus some others." "And you're invading us... er... liberating us out of the goodness of your own heart?" "Well, sure." "I find that hard to believe." "Well, it is costing us a pretty penny." "And so your people are going to foot the bill?" "Not so much. But don't you worry, you Americans have plenty of natural resources that you're not using. We'll just help you manage those and recoup our losses while we help get you going." "What natural resources?" "Well, Hollywood, for one. Really, there's so much untapped potential there. We'll move most of your talent up to Vancouver for some training for a decade or so, and give them back to you when they're fully trained... and speaking properly." "Hollywood?" "For starters... probably Broadway too... " "And you're just going to leave when you get him?" "Oh, can't do that... too much chance of some other madman stepping in. We'll probably stick around for a while to make sure nothing awkward happens." "So you'll be occupying?" "Yes... but that's ok, the French said they'd help with that." |