Dangerous Nuts

So this article is then aimed at those who cook otherwise perfectly fine food and consciously decide to ruin it by adding nuts. You're obviously of inferior taste and sensibility, not able to distinguish between wretched and divine (simple test: regular pecan pie - wretched, pecan pie with no pecans - divine).

So here I'll put the fear of god, or at least lethal legumes, in your heart.

Sure. We all know that peanuts can kill. We might even know people who are allergic to peanuts... people who will just die if they sample just the hint of peanut. And yet still people regularly cook hostile dishes left and right.

But you're not allergic to peanuts. Are you going to worry about it? Well... you should. All legumes all bad. Look at these other members of the evil family:

the Rosary Pea (Abrus Precatorius)

Simply put, this is the most poisonous plant in the world. The Rosary Pea produces enough lectin that a single tiny pea can kill... and these are bright cheerfully colored peas that are often collected by little kids, or used in rosaries (hence the name, eh?). Bright happy peas - which a lust for blood poisoning and death by anaphylactic shock.

Of course, silly humans have had all sorts of wacky uses for this nasty little pea. They used to fight worm infections by injesting powders made of dried peas, used it in a tea to fight spermatorrhoea, applying it in a paste to the hair to fight greying, and, my favorite, used as a contraceptive -- "Peel off seed coats of two seeds of Abrus Precatorius. Insert the seeds in a ripe banana. After menstruation, take bath and eat the banana as one dose in a day... This acts as a contraceptive for three years."

the Lima Bean (Phaseolus limensis)

Sure, your Mom used to try and get you to eat it... but did you know that the lima bean was probably your most likely vector for injecting cyanide in your life? Maybe not these selectively bred American strains of lima beans, but wild lima beans have high concentrations of cyanogens. Cyanide poisoning? You bet. They'll even tell you that cooking removes most of the compound... most. That's what they'll tell you. The US even restricts imports of lima beans -- you can be sure they're stopping those Javan and Burman high cyanide yield lima beans at the boarder.

the Scotch Broom (Cytisus Scoparius)

Most well known by bozos who dry out the leaves and smoke it as a marijuana alternative -- but unlike mary jane it causes symptoms much like those found in nicotine poisoning. Large doses can cause circulatory collapse, colic, vomiting, constipation, nausea, diarrhea, vertigo, headache, "and has a strong resemblance to the action of Hemlock on the heart." It can even result in death. For these reasons, and others, to be sure, the FDA is against it.

But the worst fact is that it's not a native plant to California. It's already threatened many of the local ecosystems, and has been encroaching on a darling little carnivorous plant, the Cobra Lily (Darlingtonia californica).

Tonka Bean (Dipteryx Odorata)

You might be finding it in your vanilla extract as some of the vanilla flavor created, notably in Mexico, are actually made from the tonka bean. This bean contains coumarin - called by nations other than the US a food additive - called by the FDA a "rat poison." The US has banned the use of coumarin in food since 1954 because of the damage it does to the liver.

The first encounter the US had with coumarin was in 1884, when ex-Confederates started adding coumarin to their tobacco formula. "... in people, it is worse. Rat poison, in combination with other cigarette toxins, e.g., carbon monoxide and nicotine, causes hemorrhaging in the brain. Result: brain damage symptoms including marked behavior altering effects, e.g., abulia, acalculia, inhibition reduction, destruction of the pertinent self-defense reflex, impaired/delayed judgment, deterioration in personal conduct, etc."

Still, if you want you can order seeds for the tonka bean on the web. A dollar a seed. Cheap. And hey, the tonka tree grows to more than 160 feet in hight, and can be used in all sorts of lumber thingies (cogs, timbers, you name it) when you're done harvesting the beans.

Among people who like to spell "magical" with an extra 'k' the tonka bean is supposed to "be used in love sachets and mixtures, and are also carried to attract love. Tonka Beans are worn or carried to attract money, bring luck, grant courage, and ward off illness. To make wishes come true, hold a tonka bean in your hand, visualize your wish, and then toss the bean into running water." ... poisoning those down stream.

Licorice (Glycyrrhiza Glabra)

Yes. Licorice. Deadly licorice.

In the 1950s they started loading all sorts of people up with licorice - with horrible results. About one in five suffered water and sodium retention, hypertension, upper abdominal pain, headache, shortness of breath, loss of potassium and stiffness. This was no allergic reaction, so antihistamines didn't work. To this day many consumers of licorice candy experience the same symptoms.

The FDA currently has over a hundred incidents related to the ingestion of licorice or products containing licorice - incidents ranging from "heart attacks, stroke, congestive heart failure, seizures, paralysis, and nine incidences of death."

Calabar Bean (Physostigma Venenosum)

Although once used in eye-drop form in the treatment for diseases of the eye and internally to combat constipation, epilepsy, cholera, and hypodermically against tetanus -- this one is also a nasty little bean.

It's previous uses were to pull the truth in more primitive judicial events: "They used it in the public trials to challenge the innocence of the accused by administering a poison prepared from Calabar bean. Surviving this poisoning was considered a proof of innocence but it was an extremely rare occasion."

On humans it constricts the pupils, causes short-sightedness, spinal irritation, loss of mobility, prostration, paralysis, inhibits reflexes, deadens the senses, stimulates the heart, raises blood pressure, causes tremors and muscular weakness.

What a nice little bean.

Look... just don't trust the legumes.