The Debt of Youth

"What's that son?"

"The car -- can I borrow the car? There's a new Zeno Basiliscus movie out; Frank and Annie and I were thinking of catching it."

"Ok, but just give me a sec, I need to mark it down on your tally."

"What?"

"You tally, son. You've been working up one large debt... and I want to make sure you pay it all back."

"Um... dad? You didn't tell me about any debt. Are you charging me for using the car?"

"No no, go ahead. Have yourself a nice night on the town. Don't mind me. I'll just mark it down as a cheeseburger and a pack of fries."

"Dad - you're scaring me."

"I'm scaring you? I only just found out I've still got five years on the books myself. What if I die before then? You'll have to do double duty, won't you. You go out and have fun, but I've a lot to rest on your shoulders when you come back."

"This is one of your books, isn't it? One of your wacky science books."

"There's nothing wacky about science, son. It's a man's life in the lab!"

"Whatever."

"It's this new report I've read. Look, here, in the paper. It says you're working up one massive caloric debt."

"Are you calling me fat?"

"No son... no. But you owe the rest of your tribe a great deal. It says here that the cost of raising a kid in a hunter-gatherer society takes an awesome amount of raw calories. In fact, you won't even start to make headway on this here debt until you're twenty years old."

"What do I owe to who?"

"Calories, son, pure simple calories. You're rate of consumption will continue to outstrip your rate of return for two more years yet. I'm guessing they're implying that at twenty you'll have started a family of your own and will start shoving that food down someone else's throat."

"You are calling me fat."

"Nonsense. It's just that you have that huge brain - three times larger than any primate should surely need. Plus all that growth. It's all that growth and grey matter and it's a huge investment that the tribe makes in choosing to support you. They've got to be certain that the effort they put in to making you into a calory earner is justified in their expense in you. It's a lot of time and food to be investing on just one kid. And joy-riding -- I'm sure joy-riding is a component."

"I keep telling you, I don't joy ride. That crash wasn't my fault."

"Well, I'm not even sure how to equate fenders with calories, but I'm sure it's part of the formula."

"Dad?"

"Yes yes. Go on, have fun. Say high to all the gang. But tell them to get a move on and start giving their kills to their younger brothers and sisters... or for heaven's sake, start a family. Apparently they won't break even from their caloric debt until they're fifty."

"You're wacky, dad."

"Wacky with science, son. Wacky with science."