The eyes have it

"What did you say?"

"But I can't see anymore, sir!"

"I don't hear a can-do tone in your voice, boy!"

"No, sir."

"Have you given up, son? Are you just going to lay down and die?"

"No, sir. I just..."

"You just what?"

"Nothing, sir. I'll just take my gun and cover our East flank... sir."

"Boy?"

"Yes, sir?"

"That's the kitchen you're covering. Nothing's going to threaten us from that direction until dinner time."

"So, er, East is... this way, sir?"

"A little more to your left... yes. There you go. Keep at it, son. Blast anything that moves."

"Yes sir."

"Son... I say, son. Why aren't you shooting at that enemy there?"

"There's an enemy out there? I'm sorry, I just can't hear it over the shelling, sir."

"Are you yellow, boy? Did they send me some ankle grabbing conscientious objector instead of a real man? What is your problem, boy? Take aim and fire! Fire! FIRE! There you go. That's the way to do it. Now just hit your target. Son. Son. I say Son, cease fire. Woah. Hold up there. Someone else hit your man."

"The enemy's dead, sir?"

"Well, I don't know about that, but he sure isn't a threat any more. How did they let you into this man's war with the riflery skills of a poodle, son?"

"Sir, I've qualified as a marksman, sir!"

"Marksman? Balderdash. I should have you court-marshalled for stealing someone else's merit. You didn't even come close to hitting that poor sap."

"Probably on account of my eyes, sir."

"Are we making excuses, son? Only slackers and nancy boys make excuses. Are you some sort of nancy boy? You just going to say no to a little violence, son?"

"No sir, no saying no sir."

"Good. Now no more of your bellyaching and kvetching -- I want to see you hit the next one of those godless sons of bitches that shows his face."

"er, yes sir."

"How'd you lose your eyes, anyways, son?"

"Rather not say, sir."

"Gambled 'em away, did you?"

"No sir."

"You didn't lose them in a poker game last night? Lt. Freidman was showing off a brand new pair of 'em this morning."

"Cards is illegal, sir. Your orders. No one would be foolish enough to break your standing orders, sir."

"I don't know... I think there's a couple people who just might be foolish enough. You know any foolish people, son?"

"Me sir? No sir."

"So Lt. Freidman doesn't have your eyes?"

"I couldn't say, sir. Were they blue?"

"Aye, the front parts were. You know, the bits that do the looking. The back parts were all pink and red. And goopy. Weren't your eyes blue, and red, and goopy, son?"

"I imagine they were, sir."

"Son, you've been lollygagging again. There's an enemy right infront of you. You told me you were going to shoot the enemy. No, to your other left, no no. Fire. Fire. Blast it, use your bayonet. Oh for Heaven's sake. There... are you happy? Are you happy now, mr. blind soldier boy? "

"No sir."

"I should think not."