They mock me! Me!

Do they forget that I ruled Mozambique for 11 months? That's 11 straight months under my solid leadership. Mozambique was going places - 1991 was going to be our year of glory! It was only when Victor Truethought stuck his annoying nose where it didn't belong and turned my country against me. Pah!

The maiden voyage of the Great Vehicle itself should have gilded my name in the history books. Baltimore will remember that terrible date as a day where I drove my strange and awesome vehicle with deft piloting skills and sublime confidence - while they huddled like scared little children under their dinner tables.

And then the MSW has the gall to mock me. And god damn it, it's underground uranium mines! Underground! They're trying to make me look like a fool!

Hell, I even had to look up what a thrip is. Do they expect me to make something so lame?!

- The Crimson Spider in his Underground Lair

Dear CSihUL,

Say no more with respect to the MSW - when it comes to pointing and acting the Casandra, you're preaching to the choir. I can find no greater threat to our glorious way of life than the proliferation of the MSWs membership (1).

But...

They do bring up a very good point.

It's been over five months since we first heard of your plans... and to date we've seen little or nothing of your success.

Now that's not to say you haven't been out there doing your part, but really, it does seem like you're not entirely serious. Take your little test drive on July 20th. Sure your vehicle ran, and sure it was strange and powerful... but once you crushed that tunnel you scurried off like you had done something naughty. Did you take credit for your handiwork? Did you pose for the reporters? Think of the opportunity lost! What a striking image you would have made... standing astride your Great Vehicle, toxic clouds billowing behind you.

I must admit, your critics might have a point here.

Sure you controlled Mozambique for a good long while, but did you bother to tell anyone? Hello? What the hell is the point of seizing control of a country if you can't tell anyone about it? For $500 you can write your own story and submit it to the Associated Press or Reuters. Personally I only found out when the Victor Truethought fanzine (2) published reports of his glorious routing of your forces (3).

Frankly, CSihUL, it's time to shit or get off the pot. I've been a large supporter of your work in the past, but scientific knowledge or no, you haven't really done anything with what you've got.

Stop living in fear. Carpe Diem. Crush Washington under your foot, and then let them try and mock you...

i,jasona

1) I will not omit mentioning the MSW's growing influence with the member nations of the UN. All of you readers need to take heed here. Your cream and gravy days of plotting nation against nation will come to an end if all those nations start reading off the same page.

2) Come on, tell me you at least follow what your opponents are doing. This one's a gimme. Victor's Fan-boys are so diligent it's as though you had a spy-cam sewn into his aviator's cap.

3) And it's press like this you want to avoid. For one thing, what were you thinking of by equipping all your soldiers with guns that fling spiders as ammunition? Sure it frightens the populace, but any well equipped army is going to do just what Victor did to you. You took the country with good simple guns, why the hell did you switch?