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It's been a week since I woke to find CNN piping a direct feed of
horror to my living room. I'd been awake until just hours before the
bombing; doing my usual post midnight activities... writing,
programming, gaming. My housemate got me up and into the shock of
things just a few short hours after the bombing... and I just didn't
go back to sleep after that. It was like experiencing a
fight-or-flight response on some sort of cosmopolitan level... And
it's been like that for about a week now.
I just can't get my emotions around the larger issue. I feel the helplessness of the passengers & the people trapped in the upper stories of the towers. I feel the weight that the years of war and investigation will bring. I feel sorrow for those who lost family members and friends on Tuesday. I feel vindication and pride when I learn of the struggle that took place on flight 93. I just can't get a grip on the whole picture... and part of that is because there hasn't been any clear rational put forth. No statement of intent. No reason. No signature... And that makes me pissy. It's a really stupid small emotion, but it's one of the ones I can readily work with while I'm waiting for the larger emotions to come to grips with the scope of everything. Could the orchestrators have bothered to leave a note? Maybe give an interview? At least stand up and claim responsibility for their actions? It makes me feel as if they did the act and then said to themselves... "Oh shit, what have I just done?" How could you not know what you were going to do? You spent years planning this... practicing, training, preparing yourself to die. You even scripted the lies you were going to tell the passengers so you could follow through with your stupid selfish tantrum. Have you just frightened yourself as well? Have you, in an act of great horror, finally found yourself shocked by your own actions? Are you just too busy? Did you spend all your time planning the act that you didn't think to capitalize on your moment in the headlines? Are you fleeing in terror, hopping from house to house because you don't want to get caught? If it was worth the lives of your followers to die for the cause... why isn't it worth your own capture to say "Yes, I did this."? Do you have trouble with English? Do you have problems speaking to others? Do you need a PR firm? Sure, we can put the clues together... we can track down who did this, and we can read their rhetoric from years past to find out why they did what they did... ... but good god, why don't you just grow a pair and speak up? |