jims - Column for 10/11

If I was to believe what the news was showing me, Americans seem to be in a state of jittery panic. First the trade towers, then us retaliating, and now anthrax making it's way around the members of some US tabloids. If I were a good American, I would be out there buying gas masks, survival gear, guns, and bracing myself for the apocolypse. You hear me, the apocolypse.

Why is that? If I were to believe the news, the core of America has been hit. Our tabloid journalists are at risk. What would this country do without some of the highest circulating papers. No longer would you be able to read about how Michael Jackson really is the long lost father of Brittany Spears or that G. W. Bush has a radar antenna up his ass and aliens are controlling him. A piece of Americana would be lost, and that would be tragic.

However, thinking about it, the removal of these rags of iniquity and lies may be a good thing. The British, while not doing a lot correctly, seem to have two things going for them. They have the slander rag down pat. Next to the UK rags, the Enquirer and the Sun are tame. So, with the new found space in retail establishments we can import words of wisdom from our European counterparts. The improvement would be two fold -- we would have access to better trashy magazine and we would be exposed to culture from the old world.

I alluded to a second good thing present in the UK. That is simply the civility and decorum with which the members of parliament are allowed to conduct themselves. In our own Senate, if a member insults another, it becomes a public scandal. In Britain, if you do not insult another member, you aren't going to score any points. It makes for blunter, more enjoyable politics. Here in the US, if a political official wants to cuss another out, it has to be done in private or outside the official political venues. Our own President Pro Tem of the California Senate develops situational turrets syndrome whenever he runs across visuals of our own President W. Wouldn't it be more entertaining if that was in the public arena.

Anyway, I am straying. It has been a very long week with a number of possible signs of the impending apocolypse. Finding two good things about Britain, well, that may just be one of them. I probably need to contact a specialist on Nostradamous. If my esteemed colleague Harlock is able to find two or three things about Alaska that he likes, it is defintiely time to start praying to Cthulhu...Ia! Fhtang!

Columns by jims